A woman can only love one man at a time, it is for her husband to see that he is that man.

There have been many times throughout my life, when I felt certain that I’d travelled a million miles to get to where I am right now, and that I must surely be 100 years old, at the very least, that’s how old I feel, having gone through so much turbulence throughout my life. 

From time to time I reflect upon my past and I am convinced that it really was another time another life. Who was that girl who refused to suffer any longer? Where did she find the strength and courage to wade through an ocean of tears, loneliness, despair, and constant disappointments to finally discover the laughter, joy, and love that had previously eluded her?

Is it any wonder then, why I feel well beyond my years yet still find it astounding that I survived whilst managing to remain mentally intact?

Separated by thousands of miles from my family and friends with no one to turn to, I had decided to use this strength and the courage, to end a particular phase of my life and the confidence to start a new one with my children – I have never looked back, the decision I made was the right one. 

Am I a quitter? Absolutely not! I had fought long and hard, I gave my partner every opportunity to redeem himself, I took him back three times, but each time he failed me.

Raising two very young children without their father was unbelievably difficult had it not been for the love and support of my family, for this I am eternally grateful.

Throughout our separation and later divorce, I continued to encourage my children to love their father and assured them that even though their mother and father were no longer together both their parents would be there for them and love them forever, and they should never forget their father.  As it turned out their father re married and it was his wife who turned him against his own children.

I was the daughter of post war immigrants who decided to leave their home – land and venture forth with nothing more than their hopes and dreams of a better life in a new land.

Most importantly they brought with them their values and beliefs that in time, were destined to become the very seeds sown on the other side of the world, on soil that was not tainted by the ravages of war. 

It would be these values (rendered (‘not negotiable’) by my parents, even though they meant well that would contribute towards a chain of mistakes, (on my part), that would lead me down a very traumatic path in my life many years later.

As a consequence of these ‘values’, my siblings and I, were raised within an extremely strict upbringing and whilst I can now appreciate my parents’ attempts of protecting us through their love, and their desire that no harm would find us, they unwittingly placed me on a path that would one day become the contributing factor which would ultimately guide me into making wrong decisions at the wrong time of my life. Thus began my long tumultuous journey through life.

Someone once said to me that I possessed all the love of a real woman and the patience of a saint. That may be so, but I can’t even begin to describe the pain and agony I had to endure through my 20s, 30s, 40’s, to achieve this patience, as for the love of a real woman – that was not enough to secure my happiness.